On the plane and sat at the end seat, next to the aisle. Next to me is a big tattooed ape...........I mean, a loud chav, passing himself as a man and next to him, closest to the window, is his mirror image...........but he's slightly shorter, slimmer and blond.

They come in a pack..............group of eight in total - them, their chaveses and their little chavletts.........Totally misbehaving all the way!

Wait a minute.......before you call me a 'snub' or a 'hater' of all things 'sugar and spice', I truly adore children.............on a very minuscule level and not in confine spaces like a plane!

They're playing loud music and talking loudly.............why? To hear themselves over THEIR music of course! The big tattooed ape keeps on elbowing me and snorting, sneezing or coughing! Why don't he use a f******* tissue instead of spreading his germs!! I may not be able to choose my neighbours in this case but I am ninety nine point nine percent sure we won't be staying at the same resort. It's not even the children that are getting on my nerves, it's the two imbeciles sitting besides me.

In my world.........

I've rounded up all the loudmouth gits, who have no respect or consideration of their surroundings, sat them at the tail end of the plane gagged only with a small gap for a straw to pass through............in case they need to be watered!..........In my world

I was right..............They're NOT STAYING AT OUR HOTEL! We are staying at an all inclusive, four star hotel called the Tabaiba Princess hotel at Mas Palomas which is situated in the south of Gran Canaria